ROSE RAMBLER – 16th April 2015
Hello dear rose friends – what a sensational weekend we had with the friendly groups who came for the Art Expo & Rose Tours and enjoyed Ben’s awesome scones, Cooper’s delightful chat, Virginia’s gorgeous smile and Graham’s walk and talk in the garden … oops, where was I? All about the place and enjoying every single moment of the magnificent weather and company … taking pics like this one…
GOD & LAWN CARE
GOD to ST. FRANCIS: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colourful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it – sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No ! ? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about . . . .
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
GRA’S GARBLE …
Q. What did the pastor say when a bee entered his church? A. Please bee leave!
Take time now to prepare garden beds for planting new roses this winter! Why? Because the roses will flourish and produce way more flowers in their lifetime if you prepare the planting holes like this NOW:
- Dig a really rough hole 250mm x 250mm at least so that roots easily penetrate the clay wall
- Mix a bucket full of well-rotted manure/bagged compost/leaves or combination of all blended with some organic fertilizer
- Back-fill the hole with all the soil and compost blend – mounded up if necessary!
- Water the area at least weekly with 10 litres of water and seaweed solution
Q. Why was the teacher cross-eyed? A. Because he couldn’t control his pupils!
TESSELAARS GARDENING & PLANTS EXPO …
18th & 19th of April
The Tesselaar Gardening and Plants Expo has kindly allowed us to share their promotion with our loyal readers!
We’ll be at this event! Do come up to Silvan in the Dandenongs, east of Melbourne, where the autumn trees are spectacular and the Tesselaar Garden Expo hosts some of the most professional nurseries in Victoria … A REAL GARDENERS EVENT!
A must for all green thumbs and budding gardeners!
There is a lot to look forward to at the annual Tesselaar Gardening and Plants Expo
The incomparable Stephen Ryan hosts the free Experts Talks program, highlighting special guest speakers; David Glenn of Lambley Nursery, Attilla Kapitany of Australian Succulents and many more expert speakers cover a range of practical topics. See the website for the full details and timetable.
As a valued Tesselaar subscriber, we have included a “Buy 1 ticket, get your 2nd ticket free” offer. Simple present the below voucher at the gate to redeem your free ticket.
We can’t wait to welcome you to this fabulous weekend.
The Tesselaar family
9am until 4pm
18th & 19th April, 2015
357 Monbulk road, SILVAN
$16 – Adults
$13 – Concession
Available online or at the gate.
Your subscriber Voucher
Hope we see you gasping at our cut flower display up at
Tesselaars Plant Expo this coming weekend
– cheers from Diana, Graham & Mooi at Clonbinane